Category Archives: Adult Life

Help is on The Way

Yesterday, I had the opportunity to take Ethan to “New Jersey Transition to Adulthood Comprehensive Care” or NJTACC. Their websites states that they are:

an interdisciplinary team designed to assist teens and young adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities as they face the challenges associated with their transition to adult services and medical care.

Specialty Care Plainsboro Front View

It was music to my ears, but my cynical side kicked right in, telling me to reserve any hope I might have for after the appointment.

I am very pleased to inform you that I am hopeful!

The clinic is the dream of Program Manager, Stephanie Pratico. Of all Ms. Pratico’s titles, the most impressive is ‘mom’. She herself is the mother of two beautiful young adults with Down Syndrome and to me, that carries more weight than most academic credentials. She expressed to me that she knew this was a necessary service and she was all too aware that parents were struggling with the transition out of the pediatric care and educational entitlement. I am grateful she conceived this idea and I am pleased that Ethan is her first patient.

We saw  Alyssa Siegel, MD who weighed in on Ethan’s medical issues. She was super-thorough, asking ALL the perinent questions and some that had not been posed to us before. She asked me to prioritize the medical issues that were challenging us presently and told us she is prepared to make phone calls and coordinate care on our behalf. She is willing and able to use a patient portal and email for communication and is interested in using ‘Skype-type’ services for future meetings. I welcome all 21st Century support, as it makes life easier and care more accessible.

Dr. Siegel is highly experienced and attentive and I am looking forward to her joining “Team Ethan”.

Ethan was clear he did not want to be involved in the conversation during our visit, but was sure to pipe up and correct me on several occassions!

Ms. Practico asked us where we were with financial and legal issues and was prepared to offer assistance and gather resouces, if needed. Thankfully, we have much of that done, but she did give us some advice on an SSI issue that we had not considered in the past.

One of most unique facets of the program is the representation of the Division of Developmental Disabilities. I have a long list of issues with DDD, many that I have addressed with DDD representatives in the past. The system in NJ is new, complicated and fraught with pitfalls. Many of my interactions with the system have been contentious, ineffective and unrewarding. But, meeting face-to-face and dealing with one issue at a time in a setting where the goal is support and advocacy changed that game altogether. We outlined several concrete tasks that might streamline the process and educate some providers in the system. I was able to hear that my transportation concerns, while they won’t be solved overnight, are a serious and significant concern of the division and some steps are being taken to attempt to make transportation accessible to individuals using DDD budgets.

I am eager to see, if within this model of care, we can make some headway to straighten out the ‘sticky’ parts and smooth out some difficult processes.

My impression, so far, is that this clinic is a great idea, with competant and caring staff, a good location and a nice facilty. It has the potential to fill a HUGE GAP in the care of young people with developmental disabilities. Ethan was honestly, Patient #1 (I like to think #1 Patient :)) So we have some ‘time testing’ to do, but I’m in – wholeheartedly – which is the only way I know how to do this.



Adult Medical Care

I knew the clock was ticking on the amount of time we could continue to see the pediatrician. I have a complicated child and and my relationship with the pediatrician was close and we’ve had an excellent rapport. Because of our long history together, we could make decisions based on past experiences and trust was high. The thought of moving on was terrifying.

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I’m In Trouble

I know I am going to  be in trouble. You just don’t mess with Ethan’s things.

But since he was at camp, I figured the time was right to clean his room.

My preference would be purge, cull, organize and rearrange. But I have to settle for ‘clean’ unless I want a full-fledged ‘happy man’ meltdown. Cleaning around the level of hoarding Ethan does is tough for a neat freak like myself.

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Someone Like Me

It’s very rare that the internet lets me down. So, when I searched for family blogs about adults with DS and came up very short, it reminded me of my desire to document the experience of life-sharing with my guy. I did find Nick Special Needs and have been reading through Teresa’s site. So. Much. In. Common.

And then I realized that was exactly what I was looking for. Someone in my boat. A shared experience. A mirror. I also realized, if I don’t write, maybe I am letting someone down too.

So, I’m back. I am here.

Continue reading Someone Like Me

Trial Work Experience, Oh My!

The services that the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation offers make so much sense. The goal is to mitigate factors that make competitive employment difficult for people with disabilities.  The idea of “Supported Employment” looks like it fits our situation, over here, like a glove. But it is not a glove, it’s cheese…and I am a mouse. I have run the gauntlet in search of my tasty prize – the walls of the labyrinth are made of red tape, long waits, inept agencies unprepared for their stated missions and misinformation. I wrote another post explaining the pitfalls of all this here.

But one sunny day, 13 months after first meeting with DVR, Ethan was offered a spot with an agency that could provide a legitimate Trial Work Experience during which someone would take him out into employment situations in the community to assess if he is eligible to be supported by DVR. Baby steps.

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What’s Working?

Do you need to hear good news? I swear, I’ll try to wrap this up optimistically. Bear with me, won’t you?

First let’s talk about “What’s Not Working?”


That’s right. He is not working.

Continue reading What’s Working?

Transportation Woes

Ethan will never drive a car. Ever again.

Occasionally, you might hear a story of a person with Down syndrome with a drivers license. I am happy for them and their parents, but I feel that when a story like that is publicized, it sends a message to parents and the general population that is faulty. I know that it is meant to be encouraging, but the way I work it out, it’s like telling the parents of a typical newborn, “You know, I heard that some of these kids become US Olympians”. I did the math. Similar results. Even if it is possible for a tiny handful of people, it is not a practical probability for most. If you add in all the other folks with intellectual disabilities and adults with autism, you have a whole lot of people who need rides to get to their destinations.

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The Graduation Party

There is no party like a “Midland” family party. Our kids excel at partying 🙂 They were happy to be together celebrating once again.

It took me only a few minutes to notice that most of the parents were wearing similar expressions as we glanced at one another. I was familiar with it – I see the same expression on my own face. ‘Deer-in-the-headlights’ sums it up. ‘Shell Shock’ works as well. We tried small talk. We tried meatier subjects. Someone suggested we take it outside.

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Nope. Not the party game. It’s more like the metophoric ‘we-are-not-in-hell-but-haven’t-made-it-to-heaven-either’.


After graduation, Ethan left the ‘educational entitlement’ segment of his life. The school district is no longer responsible to provide programming for him. He also has not turned 21 yet, which would place him into the ‘adult services’ component of his life. It’s soon, but not now.

Continue reading Limbo